One more thing....

There was a time in life when I thought that the definition of a good mother was one who raised their children to be productive, decent adults.

But, I've since learned that some of the best mothers never get to see their children become adults. They sit by their children's side, they hold them in their arms and they watch them suffer the horrible side effects of chemo. They spend days and nights at the hospital, they give medicines, clean up barf and still shine through with love for their child. And then, they have to say goodbye, all the while wishing they could have one more day, one more hour, one more minute with their beloved child.

My heart is with all the mothers today who ache for the loss of their child. I cannot fathom your extremely huge loss, but I can ache for you. How bittersweet Mother's Day must be for you.

Happy Mother's Day!

There was a time, not that long ago,when Mother's Day meant tears of sadness running down my face. There is nothing harder than longing to be a mom, working so very hard to become a mom and yet not being a mom on Mother's Day.

I wanted to crawl into a cave and not crawl out until the holiday had passed. Because once you are a certain age, people just assume you must be a mom, people like checkers at the grocery store or cashiers at the bank or waitresses at restaurants. And in the week or so leading up to Mother's Day, I'd often have people wishing me "Happy Mother's Day". I would smile and thank them and cry inside.

I distinctly remember the last Mother's Day I wasn't a mom. We had gone through a couple of years of fertility treatments that didn't work, had waited over a year to try and be matched for a domestic adoption, then changed gears and switched to international adoption. Our paperwork dually filed, all the i's dotted and the t's crossed. And we were waiting.....

Waiting to be matched with a baby who would become ours eventually. I was waiting, again, that year, to become a mom, instead of being a mom. And it cut like a knife.

I remember well the tears, the hurt, the pain. I remember wondering if it was ever going to happen, if I would ever become a mom.

Then, it happened....not even 2 weeks later, we got the call....we'd been matched with a little girl, there were pictures already emailed...go sign on to your computer...where have you been, we've been trying to reach you....

And that was the day I first saw my daughter....a picture of her, she was 1 day old and the most gorgeous baby I'd ever seen in my life, because she was my baby.

And so today is Mother's Day, but it really is Marielle's day, too. As I often say to her, "Thank you, sweetheart, for making me a mom and making my dreams come true".