So I dreamt last night....

That we got a call from Marielle's doctor and she wanted us to come in to tell us the results of the blood test. I kept asking her to just tell me over the phone and she kept saying we had to come in person. In my dream, I finally got her to tell me that there were blasts in her blood. Then I woke up. Talk about a nightmare....

Night time talks

One of the really down side of having a child who has had cancer....

Tonight, snuggling with Marielle in bed, she asked me, "Mom, when I die, will my room still be there?"

Of course, I gave the standard parent answer, "You won't die for a long time. You will grow up, get married, have children and die when you are very old. You don't have to worry about your room".

Her response, "Yeah, ok, but what if I die early?"

Now see, when you've had a child who has had cancer, you can't just shush that kind of question away. You can't say something like, "Oh, children don't die early" because you both know you'd be lying. Instead you take a deep mental breath and say, "Yes, honey, your room will still be there".

And that sucks. Even though your child is healthy. Even though treatment has ended, sometimes cancer "side effects" still come into your life.