OPEN HOUSE!!!

Tonight is open house at the kids' school. They are both so excited about it. They can't wait to show off their rooms. Now, mind you, it's not like I haven't seen their rooms, I've been a parent volunteer most of the year, but it's different for open house, you know. Anyway, Rico has silkworms and ducklings in his room and Marielle has butterflies and silkworms in her room and they are so excited to share them with us.

I also want Marielle to check out the room she'll be having next year. Yes, I know that we're not supposed to know who the teacher will be until the day before school starts, but a little blue jay was on my lawn the other day and told me who it would be. I told Ralph about the little birdie telling me who Marielle would have next week and then I said, "Oh and she said, 'I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you".

Of course, Rico overheard this and went kooky. He said, "How can a bird kill you?" and I told him I guess it could peck me to death...then he hugged me and said he didn't want me to die. I laughed and told him not to worry.

Then, when Marielle came home from school and I told her who her teacher was going to be, Rico relayed the bird story. Marielle said, "Mom, you can tell me, who really told you, I can keep a secret" . Rico, very seriously, shouted, "NO, I don't want Mama to die!!!". Glad to know that Rico has my back...so NO sharing secrets with Marielle because I've got to keep on living!

So I ask you....

Was it meant to be or what?

At the end of September, 2003, the Hague treaty agreement was ruled unconstitutional. The ban against international adoptions between the U.S. and Guatemala was lifted. In October, Rico was born. We had a fast, uncomplicated process and brought Rico home just as he was turning 4 months old.

Now, I always wanted 2 children. Ralph never wanted more than one. When we adopted Marielle, we had agreed that the only way we'd ever adopt again was if Marielle had a biological sibling placed for adoption. Hmmm, so let's recap....

Twelve families passed up Marielle. We got her. Not 2 years later, after a ban on international adoptions had been in place in Guatemala, the ban was lifted, Marielle's brother was born, and we were able to adopt him.

Was it meant to be or what?

Without Marielle, we'd never have Rico. I'm sure I'd be very happy being a mommy to one little girl. But I'm over the moon happy that I am the mom of 2. Two kids who are very close in age, who love each other very much, who are both very sweet and very unique.

And when Marielle was diagnosed with cancer and going through treatment I often thanked God for Rico, who kept me sane, kept me grounded during treatment. He really didn't get what was going on, he wasn't even 2 at the time of diagnosis, but he's always been a little comedian and he kept us all smiling and kept Marielle giggling, even in the worst of times.

Was it meant to be or what?

Oh, and the ban is back in place again today. The anti-adoption factions were able to put another law in place that shut down international adoptions. How very sad for the children left behind....

In late 2002, Guatemala acceded to the Hague Convention, a set of rules governing international adoption. This, in effect, shut down adoptions between the U.S. and Guatemala. The rules of the convention state that adoptions can only take place between countries that have implemented the Hague Convention. The U.S. had ratified the Hague but had not implemented it. Why? Not exactly sure, but some of it was funding. Now, if the U.S. cannot fund the directives of the Hague, how could Guatemala?

Anyway, adoptions shut down. Attorneys on the Guatemalan side argued the case before their Supreme Court, saying that the implementation of the Hague had been done unconstitutionally. In the meantime, no children, even children who were "in process" were being allowed to have their adoptions completed.

Such were the circumstances when we made contact with Marielle's birthmom. The searcher had located her and we were told to call the searcher on the appointed day and time and we would be able to speak with her. Neither Ralph nor I speak spanish, so the searcher became the translator as well. We had a nice talk, well, it was mostly me asking questions but I was glad to know that the birthmom was happy that we had made contact.

She told us that she had twice gone back to the attorney's office to see if there were any news about Marielle and was told there was not. We had, however, emailed both updates and pictures to the attorney. See, in Guatemala, well, it's a lot like the U.S. in maybe the 1930's....the prevailing idea is that you give up the baby and then forget about it and go on with your life. As if a mother could ever forget about her baby.

It was shortly after this conversation that we were notified by the searcher that Marielle's birthmom was pregnant again. She wanted us to adopt the baby or find another couple that lived close by to adopt the baby, so that the children would be able to see each other as they grew up.

Oh my God, this was not something we expected at all. We only ever expected to adopt one child. We had agreed that we'd only have one child. What should we do? I could not fathom saying no, I could not wrap my mind around the idea that a birth sibling of Marielle's so close in age would be "out there" somewhere growing up.

On the other hand there were lots of considerations. International adoption is not cheap. You are paying fees to 2 governments, an adoption agency here in the U.S., an attorney in Guatemala to oversee the adoption, fees associated with DNA testing (which is done to assure that it is the birthmom relinquishing the baby) and on and on.

So, here was the situation....if we filed documents and chose to try and adopt the baby, we might never be able to complete the adoption, because of the Hague. We would have to go through a new homestudy, all the paperwork for 2 governments, find an attorney who would handle the adoption (most attorneys were not even allowing adoptions to begin under the circumstances) pay for foster care ourselves, since we had no idea how long the foster care might go on and put out a big chunk of money and hope.

After much consideration, it boiled down to this....this was Marielle's sibling. And because it was not just "some baby", it was her sibling, we would go ahead and begin the process. We filed our paperwork, started the homestudy and laid out $10,000. (just part of the fee). My feeling was this....if it was meant to be, it would happen. If not, well, then we would never be able to bring Marielle's sibling into our home.

Boy this story is long....

So, it took another 7 weeks for us to get immigration clearance, new birth certificate and the "pink slip", which was permission for us to go to the U.S. embassy and obtain a visa to bring Marielle home. We traveled to Guatemala once again to bring her home. I had a great time shopping! There was a little alleyway not far from the hotel that had all kinds of little shops that sold Guatemalan made items and boy did I stock up.

Then one day, we took the shuttle over to the area by the airport that had many shops that also sold Guatemalan hand made articles. Not knowing how soon we might return, I had to make sure I bought lots and lots of things!

We brought Marielle home and settled in, becoming a family of 3. I was so happy, as was Ralph and Marielle really was the easiest baby in the world. She never cried, unless she was hungry. So, if I kept bottles on schedule, she was a happy camper. She would wake from naps and just lie there waiting for me to come in and get her. I'd check on her, see her lying there, eyes wide open and say, "Hi, you're awake". Imagine my surprise, when one day when Marielle was only 6 months old, when she actually answered me with a "hi" back!

It's true, she started talking at 6 months old! First word was hi, followed quickly by dog. Marielle is and always has been an animal lover. So, not mama, not dada, but dog. When she realized that saying "dog" would not bring the dog over to her crib, she learned to say our dog's name. So, as you can see, calling for Mama was never high on the list. Calling the dog, however, was very high on the list!

Recently, we were watching some old videos and it was so fun to see her and Belle, our border collie, playing when Marielle was not even a year old. Belle would bring over her toy, Marielle would throw it and giggle like crazy and then Belle would bring it back and they'd start all over again.

As the months went by, I thought a lot about possibly making contact with Marielle's birth mother. I have a sister who was adopted from Vietnam and I talked to her about this. Her answer was, "I have a great life, I love my life, but I would trade everything I have for one picture of my birthmom". That really spurred me on. I talked to Ralph about it, he was on the fence, not really sure it was a good idea. Finally, we decided to talk to a searcher about it.

I contacted a searcher and spelled out what I wanted. I wanted to make contact, but only if it didn't put the birthmom in any danger and only if she wanted contact, too. I didn't want to harm or harass her in any way. We had heard stories of some birthmoms hiding their pregnancies from their families or lying and saying that the baby died, because placing a child for adoption is shameful in Guatemala. I wanted to be very clear that , although I welcomed contact, I in no way wanted to put the birthmom in an uncomfortable position.

With that in mind, we hired a searcher and waited to see what would happen.

Remembering...

Anyone who is an adoptive parent knows that their joy is also another's sorrow. With that in mind, I just wanted to say thank you to Marielle's birth mom. Thank you for having the courage to place her for adoption.

I've told her this in person and I will say it again. Her courage saved Marielle's life. Had Marielle remained in Guatemala, had she not been adopted to the U.S., she simply would not be alive today.

So her birthmom not only gave her life, she saved her life as well.

Yeah, it's a party!

So yesterday, in the sweltering heat (high 90's) we had a party for Marielle.


Hey, the heat didn't bother her a bit. She loves the heat. Besides, she got to drink soda, a rare treat.


Of course there was food....



There were presents to be opened....Uh, hey, wait, whose birthday is it?

Oh, that's right, that's what little brothers are for, helping, yeah, I get it....


Hmm, I think I'll sneak a taste of the birthday cake while mom is putting the candles on.


Whoa, that's a lot of fire for me to blow out...


Eating cake....yeah, we're having fun now!


Lots of hugs to go around....


And then, because it was so hot...off to the pool!

All in all, a great day!

Happy Birthday, Marielle!

Happy 7th Birthday, my sweet girl.

You make my heart happy. You made my dream come true.

I love you so much!